The best video games strike an artful balance between innovation and the tried and true. Our 'game of the year' winners from last week are examples: Both are sequels built on foundations from generations past (not to mention their own pedigrees), and both go beyond anything done in their categories.
I'm game critic - call me an enthusiast, a satirist, a creator of content, even occasionally a journalist, but since I don't make games, it all boils down to 'critic.' Critics are always picking apart the here-and-now compared to the what-once-was, with a penchant for predicting what-will-be. Game Grump has been around for three years in its current incarnation. Before that, I was writing reviews and columns for Adrenaline Vault. And before that, I produced a web comic. All of it contained game criticism.
Within that criticism, how well did I see what-will-be? If game developers must learn from the past, I think critics should do the same. So I've unearthed my earliest game criticism, which comes from that aforementioned comic. It's been seven years. Let's critique the criticism.
And look at some cartoons while we're at it.
Commentary on Violence in Video Games (2002)
Apparently, GTA III got me thinking about where game violence was going.- Panel 4: though we never got a game called 'Serial Killer,' I don't think anyone would bat an eye if they saw Shoe's pitch in a press release today.
- Panel 5: Game violence has gone to ridiculous extremes, but what I didn't predict: it would be gamers who started calling the industry back from the brink. See the umbrage taken over the infamous 'No Russian' scene in Modern Warfare 2, or the 'come on, really?' reactions to the horrific imagery of Dante's Inferno.
- Panel 6: Extra points for stylish dismemberments. Yep. Lots of these. Mad World comes to mind immediately.
- Panel 7: Kid killing is still off limits in games. Mostly. The kid-killing in BioShock doesn't count, because that was really arty (and isn't that how it always starts?)
- Panel 1: I really did hurt my arm from playing GTA III too much.
Score: Overall, I'll give myself a 'C+' for my violence commentary. Much of the escalation was easy to predict, giving this a 'dog bites man' quality. But, the dog really did bite the man. Hard. And it was bloody.
Commentary on Sex in Video Games (2002)
Next, I took to predicting the sex vector. Let's see how I did.- Panel 2: 'Boob Fighters.' The Dead or Alive series did take it to the next level of titillation with their Xtreme Beach Volley Ball side story, but I think Shoe's question remains poignant: where are the games focused centrally on sex?
- Panels 4, 5, and 6: Nowhere. Because I still think this is what they would sort of look like.
- Panel 5: Called it. See the rhythm-based sex in the God of War series and GTA: San Andreas' unfinished 'Hot Coffee' feature.
- Panel 6: Ha ha ha. A game where you collect female conquests like so many exotic cars! Ridiculo... wait. Once again, called it: See the sexy trading cards you receive for each woman you bang in The Witcher.
- Panel 7: This is a definite miss. After the trance vibrator of Rez (which already existed when I drew this), the sex toy thing didn't really go anywhere. Not even after the advent of the Wii, which seemed ripe for such things (if only by way of its name).
Score: I'll give myself another 'C+'. Despite all the hits I got, I missed the big picture. I was unable to predict the surprisingly high level of maturity that games would display when sex actually started to come into the picture.
Sure, tits and ass are still on display in much the same fashion they were in 2002. But Bayonetta is being defended by feminists as female empowerment. And Mass Effect has brought us tasteful 'interludes' born out of substantive character choices in-game. Heavy Rain is on the way, too - the games press is falling all over itself to point out how mature its 'truly adult' situations will be.
Sex has arrived, but so tastefully! Maybe it's because the industry is, like most of America, filled with a bunch of hopeless prudes who feel more at home killing than fucking. Maybe it's because porn has gone mainstream. I just don't know.
Commentary on Online Chat (2002)
Headsets were actually a new thing to console gaming in 2002.- Panels 1 through 4: This is still a pretty accurate picture of the arc that voice chat went through. Reaction 1: Wow, cool. Reaction 2: Do I really need this feature? Reaction 3: Nope. It's mostly used for locker-room bullshit.
- Panel 10: I actually refrained from using the Seven Words through the entire run of the 'Area 337' comic. It seems so quaint, now.
Score: I'll pat myself on the back with a 'B.' I predicted that something designers envisioned as a strategic team-play feature would end up being nothing of the sort. But swear words certainly can be, and are used regularly in the process, and I couldn't show that, due to my self-imposed regulations. Maybe that's why Shoe is so frustrated.
Commentary on Cel Shading (2003)
Cel shading was popping up everywhere around this time.- I'll give myself some credit, if only to say that a cel-shaded racing game was one of the most ridiculous (if cool) uses for the technology ever.
Score: Meh. 'D.' I pointed out a trend, but there's not really any commentary here. I think I mostly wanted a version of Auto Modellista that didn't suck.
Commentary on Star Wars (2003)
As long as there have been video games, there have been Star Wars video games.- Panel 2: I'm still the only one who calls it 'GameStapo.' I guess it's just one of those 'too clever by half' things. I even bought the domain, did nothing with it, and now some squatter owns it. Oh well.
- Panel 1: There it is. After a few moments of outrage over the crapfest that was the prequel trilogy, my peers went right back to the 'Dark Side' and kept buying the stuff.
Score: 'A.' Everyone pilloried Lucas for shitting on their childhood, but they all went crawling back. People snapped up copies of Soul Calibur IV just to play as Vader and Yoda, Lego Star Wars games became a smash hit, KOTOR got a sequel, and this year they are releasing a Massively Multiplayer version of the 'Old Republic' universe. And otherwise reasonable people are still pining for 'a new X-Wing game.'
These aren't little kids buying all of this shit. It's people my age. People who should know better. Me? My stance has not changed. There are some things we do not forgive.
Commentary on Video Game Navel Gazing (2003)
To outsiders, geeky discussions must sound pretty childish.- Panel 1: Yes, I still cherish everything up until Empire. This panel remains accurate, and it is the only self-respecting stance a (former) Star Wars fan should have.
- Panel 1: The Empire Strikes Back for the Atari 2600 remains the best Star Wars game.
- Panel 2: This all might sound childish, but it's no more silly than any all-consuming hobby. We're just not as accepted by the mainstream as, say, Sports Geeks. I mean, Sports Fans. Geeks.
- Panel 1: Did you notice the scan lines on the left for each of the 2600 sprites? Sorry, just geeking out on a small detail.
This last comic, and in fact this whole article, illustrates just how silly and self-indulgent we game critics can seem to outsiders. But like anyone with an all-consuming hobby, be it sports or politics or whatever, we would really have it no other way. Talking about the hobby is just as fun as indulging in its fruit. Final Score: 'A.'
Area 337: The complete archive
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Parry by Daniel Dujnic
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I'll be the first to say it: Let's get some new comics up in here! It's interesting to see how some of those stood up after 8 years. Here, let me add to the criticism singularity:
I hear that the player can kill a kid in Dragon Age, but I think he's possessed, does that make it a gray area? Also, in Fallout 3, a game in which you can't kill kids, I was supposed to find a new home for a boy I saved from giant fire-breathing ants. I kept playing, and out of neglect I never got around to finding him a home, I never even came back to the phone-booth/single-person-fallout-shelter I left him in ages ago...
Eh, he's probably fine.
Regarding a Serial Killer Game: The comic was made in 2002, the next year in 2003 Manhunt came out on the PS2. Not sure if it awards 'style points' but when you made that comic someone was pitching Manhunt and an Exec wasn't batting an eye.
I've been seeing mixed reactions about Dante's Inferno. Here at GG we've had an initially negative reaction, but fact is, it might actually be an interesting game. All this marketing ahead of time was probably to soften the blow about the content so that people will actually take the time to see if it's actually good instead of dismissing it out of hand. Wouldn't it be surprising if it turned out to be, horror of horrors, an exceptional game? I have to say I'm curious, I've thought about buying it and haven't reached a justification yet. Comes out next week.
Also, I've been playing Mass Effect 2: 15 hours in and still haven't seen any tasteful interludes.
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Our latest podcast is up. We're switching things up - unlike most videogame podcasts, this one is only 20-odd (very odd) minutes long. We're going to stick to this short format from now on. Also, this is our first 'cast done via Skype (because Dan went and moved to Baltimore), so you may notice some slight engineering hitches. Enjoy!
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It's time for Game Grump's Game of the Year award. We don't have a bunch of different silly awards, just the one. The best one, the ultimate one. It's Game of the Year 2009 here at Game Grump, so let's see who was in the running.
Most sites are long finished with “game of the year” features, but we grumps deliberate more carefully. Much more carefully. Unlike most teams who simply sit around and spitball a list, I, as a duly self-appointed editor at Game Grump, have determined a much better way. Collective opinion is so... so subjective! I have determined the only objective way to arrive at the year's best: science!
Yes, science. By gathering actual empirical evidence, organizing it, analyzing it, and presenting conclusive results, I will objectively determine our Game of the Year. Here is my method:
Given: My entire e-mail archive for 2009. Given: My mail program's 'advanced search' tool. Given: Time on my hands. Determine: A list of the video games I mention in a year of e-mails. Determine: How frequently each game comes up. Conclude: The game that is mentioned the most is Game Grump's GOTY.
To show just how carefully this science was carried out, here are details of my rigor:
A message only counts if it mentions the game in a positive manner. All messages count only once for a game, but - A message can count toward multiple games, if many are mentioned. All repeated mail nested in threaded replies is, of course, discarded.
I now present the raw, unbiased results!
All right, we can immediately see some problems with this data. Over half of the list contains games that were released before 2009. And in the case of Super Mario Bros. 2, long long before. And in the case of Um Jammer Lammy, what the hell? Clearly, this data is too noisy to elicit conclusions. It is scientifically impossible to award GOTY 2009 to a game that came out in 2008, or any other year.
Also, we have to admit, there are a few games on this list, specifically Brutal Legend, Street Fighter IV, Borderlands, and 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, which I did not actually play. In the case of some, I caught a demo or some brief playtime. In the case of others, nothing at all. And in the case of 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, I still really, really want to get my hands on it, you have no idea. But if it's unplayed, we can't count it. Let's soldier on.
The data must be cleansed. In so doing, we are left with:
Better. All of these are 2009 games, and thus the winner should be clear. But now we have another problem: Modern Warfare 2 takes the top spot. There is no way on God's Green Earth I'm giving our venerated Game of the Year to Modern Warfare 2.
Due respect, MW2 is a fine game. Superbly crafted, addictive, full of variety, full of fun. It's also full of obnoxious 12 year olds whose parents must be educated on the meaning of the “M” rating (Like the game clerk said: it means 'for adults.' For big boys who are only children on the inside. Every retailer cards for age nowadays. It's your lackadaisical attitude that's getting these games into your rotten little monster's hands, not any corrupt entertainment industry full of devilry and hooker-beating. Yes, I am telling you how to raise your kids, since you don't seem to care to do so).
Wait, what? Where was I? Oh, yes. Modern Warfare 2. Not our Game of the Year. And not because of any personal vendetta, or indeed any subjective motivation at all. No, the reason it doesn't qualify is pure and simple: outlier bias. More science!
I will explain. For years, my friends and I have run a clan mailing list. We talk about games. We talk about getting online at certain times to play games. We talk shit to each other about the games we just played. So, whatever game the group is fixated on, we all tend to mention it in e-mail a lot. And, since there is a slight streak of machismo running through the group (more a wide swath, actually), the games on there tend to be of a certain type. A type with guns in them.
This is why Gears of War 2 topped the raw data list. A 2008 game played well into 2009. This is also why Modern Warfare 2 comes in second place. The loudest area of my gaming life is connected to the clan list. But when it comes to evangelizing games, I cannot take clan list contribution as my true assessment of game of the year.
So then, discard the outlier, and we will have our winner.
Congratulations, Forza 3! Scientifically, you have won Game Grump's “Game of the Year” award! The pinnacle of driving video games on any platform, over and above all driving games in any subgenre, and (yes thank you very much) trouncing the long-since abdicated king, Gran Turismo 5 (more like Also-ran Turismo 5! Ha!), this is the best time you'll ever have with virtual driving.
With over 400 cool cars, gorgeous car-porn graphics, immersive cockpit views, and various things to do off of the track, I'm proud to award Forza 3 our....
 Yes, that's a custom-painted 8-Bit Jesus car tearing it up in first place.
But wait. Wait a minute here. I love myself some Forza 3. Big time. And if you look at the raw data again, you'll also see that its predecessor, Forza 2 also consumed a chunk of my psyche last year. A fine, fine game.
And yet. And yet. Something's tingling in my head, right back there, right at the right side of my noggin. What's that, hemisphere? You think that Game of the Year should be an emotional choice, made with passion, not just cold logic?
It seems my right hemisphere is demanding a say. What then? What would it have me do? In looking at these results, I have to tell you that science already paints a strikingly accurate picture of my passions last year. I've certainly sunk some hours into Halo 3 ODST. And look at “Board Games!” Those aren't even on a TV. We played them on tables, with other people. Hell, my brother and I tried to design our own! Good times. Even the iPhone makes an appearance with Drop 7, the most profoundly brilliant puzzle game since Tetris, I shit you not. And there's ... ah, there's....
Trials HD. One of the lowest ranking games on the scientific e-mail results. But. Here is a game that took the undeniable awesomeness of Excitebike, distilled it down to the simplest of controls (accelerate, brake, and lean back or forward), and somehow managed to make it infinitely deep. A basic description of Trials HD (the best-of-breed in a pedigree of past Trials games) belies its brilliance. In a sentence: You drive your motocross bike through a warehouse, jumping ramps, maintaining your balance, and avoiding deathtraps in a race for the fastest time to the finish line.
Actually, that doesn't belie its brilliance. That sounds (pardon me) fucking cool. Now, imagine the most amped-to-11, polished-on-every-side, touch-perfect-physics, photo-realistic version of that idea. Now, cram it full of the most creative Rube-Goldberg obstacles you can imagine. Yeah, there are loads of ramps and pits, exploding barrels and even an occasional “booster” power-up. But there are also see-saws, avalanches of truck tires, giant pinball flippers, and steel balls to balance on top of.
And then, the designers start getting really creative. In addition to dozens of courses over five difficulty levels, they designed a dozen mini-games with new goals. Ski jump, intentionally bail to break as many bones as possible, see how far you can (carefully!) tow a trailer of bombs before you jostle them too much and BOOM!
As Vince for Shamwow says, “No paper towel can do that!” All of this for only ten freaking dollars. And if you call now, in the next 20 minutes, because you know we can do this all day, the developers will release a Big Pack of levels, nearly doubling the size of the game, for only five dollars more. All before the ball drops and it becomes 2010.
Whew. Deep breath.
 Trials HD. This is actually the level editor. The level editor is awesome.
Aaand they included the level editor in there, which just blows the doors off. Trials HD only came up in e-mails a few times in 2009. You want to know what those emails were? They were e-mails to myself. I was mailing Xbox Live gamertags that I'd found on the developer's own forums to myself, so I'd have them handy when I got home. So I could become Xbox friends with these strangers. So that I could download their levels and share my own levels with them. That's passion. Obsession. That's more hours transfixed in a game (per dollar at least), than any other game this year.
Forza 3 takes the crown for science, but Trials HD is the winner for passion. In the end, I prefer passion; Trials HD was where I had the most fun in 2009. But respect and recognition must be given to the scientifically proven winner, which I honestly have a good deal of passion for as well.
So, as surely as my brain has two hemispheres (ever at war!), there are two Game Grump GOTY winners. Congratulations to both. Now I think I need to take a drink and lie down. This is what the year's best games do to me. Whew!
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Parry by Daniel Dujnic
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I have to agree with Matt on Trials HD, it wins the GOTY easily. The game is deceptively simple, especially given the accessibility of the early tracks. The later levels are so different that they actually give birth to a second game, where it's not just jumps and speed that are important, but also angles, weight distribution and torque. It gets hard, but I goddamn finished every course, even though some took 30 minutes and 500 tries.
Trials manages that blend of classic and modern gaming that few titles can pull off well. It's ExciteBike how you wanted it to be, with many more jumps and crazy shit, a Quick Restart button, and lively graphics. Trials is also surprisingly immersive - it is the first game that I can remember since the NES days that made physically jerk the controller where I wanted my guy to go (to no avail).
Trials HD wins the 'passion' side, but what about my scientific GOTY? Well, mine is pretty shameful. If I include the Facebook data from my inbox, the clear winner, by a large margin, is Mafia Wars from Zynga. In 2009, Zynga, while other game companies were slashing jobs, was actually expanding (they even opened a new office here in Maryland). Their games seem shallow, but have sharp hooks that catch on the surface of your brain as if you had thrown it through a sticker bush.
I finally kicked the habit. On January 9th I finished the 'New York' part of the game and put it down forever, forgoing any excursion into the Cuba, Moscow, or the soon-to-be-released Hong Kong. Also, as an aside, I gave up on Farmville back before they started expanding it, and I won't go back. The last thing I need is for Lonely Strawberry Cows to show up in my Facebook feed.
So long, Zynga, thanks for all the... progress bars.
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The latest episode of Unboxed is live, and it moves from consumer electronics to consumer comestibles.
I used to really like Fruit Roll Ups, in fact when they still tasted good I made a (not-so-good) short film about them. When I saw the Simply Fruit product on the shelf, I thought they had finally heard my silent call to abandon tongue-tatoos and neon flavors. That was dumb.
In a part of my mind I want some executive vice president at General Mills to see this, realize the error of the company's ways, and go back to the 'old recipe.' But the truth is that the old recipe is either lost forever, the necessary ingredients aren't available anymore, or they actually thought 'Simply Fruit' was a good idea and are sticking to that for a while.
For a real-life comparison of how rich Strawberry Fruit-Roll Ups used to taste, go to your local Jamba Juice and get a Strawberry Surfrider, this is as close as modern science can get us to that lost flavor.
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Parry by MAtt Dujnic
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I like the idea that the necessary ingredients might not be available anymore.
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The latest episode of Grumphack is live! This episode features the conclusion of the epic tale of the 52 Lives Report with a thrilling trip to Sokoban. Other awesome things like banjos and a PSA are in there too. A note to all Nethack players out there: There is no point in half-spoiling yourself with the wiki, it will just get you into more trouble. Remember what Mr. Miyagi said: 'Squish like grape!'
This is the final episode of the 52 Lives Report, but Grumphack will keep on truckin'. This episode completes the goal I set out at the beginning of 2009: To tell the tale of Jebwick as he toiled life after life through the bowels of the Dungeons of Doom. The reality is that the 52 Lives Report barely scratches the surface of what Nethack is (according to my understanding of the things that are still to come). Perhaps it will serve as a jumping off point for further adventures.
Sometime in the next couple weeks I'll post a type of post-mortem on the project, if you're interested in that sort of thing. The bottom line: My reach exceeded my grasp, but you get a second video series out of it.
Also, a BTW note: This episode, like the Tooled Horn episode, features Mr. John Anderson, who you may know better as Astronaut Mike Dexter.
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We cover video games from 2600 to 360. Original video, t-shirts, features, cartoons, and podcasts. MAtt Dujnic and Daniel Dujnic at the helm. Sign up for the mailing list!
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