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Zelda: Phantom Hourglass: The Shipyard of Sorrows
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One Game Feature by Daniel Dujnic, 1/14/08
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Phantom Hourglass is everything you have heard. It's innovative and engrossing, repetitive and infuriating. I played it more than anyone really should, progressing hours past the ending. Why? Because I could collect parts and customize my boat. That’s right, after hours of dungeon puzzles and screen scrawling, I finally touched the core of the game, and it is a filthy, churning shipyard.
I'd like to think that, normally, I wouldn't get hooked on something like this. Collecting parts. The parts don't even do anything, they're just cosmetic. Yes, technically there is a stamina boost if you equip parts from the same set, but every set gives the same bonus, so it’s just a choice of taste. Given that, I hardly expected to get wrapped up in it.
But then I got the Demon Prison, a pulsing brain of some sea creature with vicious spikes, and I was hooked. I wanted a whole damn Demon boat, and that became my true quest. Saving Zelda, er, Tetra, was simply a means to an end. After that means was exhausted, my Demon Ship was still incomplete! I had to keep going. After hours of side-quests, shops, and mini-game grinding, I still have not gotten its damn chimney. Yes, you can trade parts with friends, but I don't play in the school cafeteria at lunch.
Before you judge me, give me this: I did not posses hubris enough to attempt the Golden Ship. You're lucky if you see that shit in the shop, and luckier still if you can afford it. You can also earn gold parts by making 'big plays' online, which is nice, but that will only provide four of the eight. All right, it's apparent that had enough hubris to do a little post-game research.
But in the end, Nintendo had me walled in on all sides with disappointment. I got two Golden parts through online play: One I already had, the other I found at the store immediately afterward (that’s right, the parts aren’t even unique). Worst of all, aside from a slightly larger uptick in stamina, there is no prize for having the Golden Ship, and nobody but you will ever see it. Come on, Nintendo, can’t I at least have an online ship racing game with cannonballs flying around to validate my obsession? How could this not have occurred to you?
Anyway, that should be more than you’ll ever need to know about Phantom Hourglass ship customization. It is a twisted and evil attempt to put advanced RPG elements into a Zelda game, but it’s not advanced, it’s an illusion - an oily machine of misery and disappointment.
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'The Shipyard of Sorrows'
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#&rendershop#
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