MAtt Dujnic The Award for Best Video Game Doggie...
posted by MAtt Dujnic - 05/07/09


Fudgie was our good doggie here at Game Grump, a handsome yellow pooch who lived to the ripe old age of 20. We cared for him in earnest through his golden years, injecting him with saline and feeding him pills to keep his kidneys going. The poor little guy even had most of his teeth removed to stave off an infection. But he was a fighter to the end, but a few weeks ago, he finally decided to say good-bye. Farewell Fudgie. In his memory, Game Grump presents their Top Nine Video Game Dogs - selected and sorted based on how much they embody what a dog should be.

#9 - Parappa (Parappa the Rapper) - He belongs in the top nine because he is a much loved character with a positive message. But he's at the bottom because, though Parappa is energetic and fun, he is a dog only by the whim of art direction. I've known people who have played his seminal rhythm adventure from beginning to end without realizing Parappa isn't just some bright-eyed teenage rapper, but a canine bright-eyed teenage rapper. Those black ears? Could be dreadlocks. Nevertheless, he did teach us that 'you gotta believe!'

#8 - Duck Hunt Dog (Duck Hunt) - Shame on you! Duck Hunt dog works so hard. He tracks down ducks, flushes them out, retrieves them, and (assumedly) stacks them neatly in the tall grass. On an average day, D.H. Dog helps you amass enough dead fowl to feed a small village. Yet, I've seen you: you hear even one little chuckle out of him, and you try to shoot him in the face. It may not be nice of him to mock your marksmanship, but he's your faithful hound. While Nintendo compassionately made him bulletproof in the home version of Duck Hunt, there was a way to blast him in the arcade. D.H. Dog deserved better, but like all good doggies, he remains loyal no matter what.

#7 - Plato (Nintendogs) - I'm sure you had your own name for your cute Nintendog puppy, but mine was Plato, named after one of my cartoon characters (and, in turn, after the ancient philosopher). He was a good boy, though not terribly good at the doggie obstacle course, and not especially interested in playing with other dogs. The tragedy is that I failed him. The real-time demands of the 'Nintendogs' virtual world meant that you had to visit serveral times a day, to walk and feed and pet your pup. I was not up to the commitment, though I blame that on the plastic touchscreen that forever separated us, and not on my lack of love.

#6 - Rush (Mega Man series) - Rush is helpful, cheerful, and invincible. He is cute and color-coordinated. He is not, however, cuddly; Rush is a robot capable of transforming into a number of handy gadgets to help his master, Mega Man. Rush is an efficent and undemanding dog, teleporting in only when needed, performing his duty (springboard, hoverboard, submarine, mech suit, motorbike, medic, you name it) and immediatly teleporting out again. When not assisting in battle, Rush keeps Mega Man's little sister, Roll, company. Good boy.

#5 - D0G (Half Life 2) - D0G is also a robot, but less apparently a dog. Engineered out of scrap metal and stolen Combine technology, D0G looks more like a mutant gorilla. But his manner is all-pooch. He whimpers and coos and jumps about excitedly every time he sees his master (who, incidentially, isn't you, but another character in the Half Life universe). He's faithful, protective, mischevious, and helpful. All the things a dog should be. Plus, he can beat ass like no other dog on this list - a big plus when fighting in a dystopian future against alien overlords.

#4 - d (NetHack) - As fans of our GrumpHack videos will know, the NetHack pets play a pivotal role in the adventure. The most popular pet is 'little dog,' or as I call him, 'd.' In the original NetHack, that's how he appeared onscreen - as a lowercase 'd' that followed your '@' adventurer through the procedurally-generated Dungeons of Doom. Even today, over twenty years later, if you strip the graphical paint off of any Nethack implementation, you'll still find that 'd' underneath. He fights for you, steals for you, finds treasure, sets off traps, and consumes unsightly corpses. A hardy dog indeed, though not without a sense of vengance: an abandoned 'd' is a feral 'd,' able to take you apart as well as any NetHack monster. And killing a 'd' is a sure way to draw the wrath of gods. Care for him, and he'll be an adventurer's best friend (just try to remember to name him before your next stupid death).

#3 - Molyneux (Fable II) - This pooch can also bear any name you wish, but for discussion, I will call him after the man who created him, game designer Peter Molyneux. Peter is like a high definition version of d from NetHack. He follows you across the countryside, sniffing out buried treasure, battling bandits, and ingratiating you to others (which opens the door to all sorts of rewards). Peter is faithful no matter how good or evil you are, no matter how lovingly or sternly you treat him. He will follow you into the dark dungeons, through the corrupt castles, and stay with you to the very, very end. And in the end, you will cry, because you love him so much.

#2 - Daisy (Animal Crossing) - Daisy was the best neighbor I had during my two-year stay in Animal Crossing. When I wasn't slaving away at fruit harvesting or rock collecting to pay the mortgage (seriously), I did manage to spend some time making friends with the talking animals around town. They were mostly jocks, prima donnas, and airheads. None of them ever gave me good gifts. They all moved away, replaced with newcomers who would also move away. I am not blameless in this situation. I let weeds overgrow the town for six months. I sometimes sent animals bits of garbage as gifts. And I'd commonly whack the especially distasteful ones with the bug net. Neverthless, through thick and thin, Daisy stuck around, always had something nice to say, and was the town's anchor right up until the moment I nuked the whole thing with a memory wipe and sold the thing back to Gamestapo.

Footnote: the better-known dog from Animal Crossing is musician K.K. Slider. You see him in all the promo materials - he's practically the Animal Crossing mascot. But I always thought he was a prick. Bad doggie. Bad, pretentious doggie.

#1 - Blob (A Boy and his Blob) - The number one video game dog is actually not a dog at all. It's a blob - a grey, pear shaped, two foot high bouncing blob from outer space. Its soul, though, is all-dog. You run around the world as 'Boy,' collecting treasure and avoiding hazards. All the while, Blob bounds along underfoot, hankering for treats and eager to help. His treats of choice are jellybeans, and his ability to help puts Lassie to shame. By feeding him different flavors of jellybeans, he'll become assorted helpful objects. There's the Licorice Ladder. The Punch Hole. The Strawberry Bridge. And the mysterious Grape Wall. He performs flawlessly, tirelessly - he's really a super dog, doing things that other dogs would do, but for the fact that they cannot twist and morph their bodies. So, for being a super dog, Blob earns the #1 spot.






   
'The Award for Best Video Game Doggie...'


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Editor, Matthew "MAtt" Dujnic, e-mail: matt@gamegrump.com | © 2004-2009 Matthew Dujnic. Portions © 2007-2009 Daniel Dujnic